Conflict in Business: How to Manage Conflict | Ep 050

Kacie: We have some tips for you guys today. We're going to give you some ways specifically to deal with conflict when you have conflict come up. Cause it's one thing to say, okay, yeah, there's conflict. We need to handle it, but I think it's also helpful to have some tools in your tool belt. So when it comes up exactly how should we handle it, what should we do things?

How do we do it healthfully? Because there is a healthy way to handle conflict and there's not healthy way to handle conflict.

The Business Project Podcast. 

John: Business can 

be 

Kacie: complicated. We break it down so regular people 

John: like us can understand and find success. I'm John Crespo, accountant and consultant. I'm Casey 

Kacie: Bryant, marketer and event planner. If you run a business or want to run a business 

John: Welcome to the show.

Kacie: What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another week of the Business Project Podcast. Yeah. We got some good stuff. Yeah. I'm excited about this week. I'm excited about every week. Last week, we talked about conflict. And it happens all the time. It happens with employees. It happens with customers. It happens with friends and family and teachers and all the things.

You have conflict. It's just part of 

John: life and part of running a business. And, uh, you know, I think one of the highlights of our conversation was don't let it fester, you know, hit it as it happens. And, uh, I think that is so important because a lot of people are just afraid to kind of like get, deal with conflict head on.

Kacie: I can think of some times in my life, too, where I had conflict and I was afraid, you know, it's okay to be nervous, do things fearfully, do things scared, um, but they end up so much better at the end of it, at the back end of it, working through these things, cause it's like there's this tension at the beginning, and yeah, it stinks, but when you can helpfully work through conflict, it can, it can turn into something, your relationship can be stronger in the back 

John: end of it.

For sure. We have, we had this, This, uh, picture painted of how it would potentially turn out, which is always the worst case scenario, right, in our mind. And that's what stops a lot of us. But you know, if we approach it the right way, usually utilizing the right tools to approach conflict, then it always ends up in a different way, right?

It always ends up for the better. You know, especially if you don't let it fester. Yeah, 

Kacie: don't let it fester. So, we have some tips for you guys today. We're going to give you some ways specifically to deal with conflict when you have conflict come up. Because it's one thing to say, okay, yeah, there's conflict, we need to handle it.

But I think it's also helpful to have some tools in your tool belt, so when it comes up, exactly how should we handle it? What should we do things? How do we do it? Hopefully, because there is a healthy way to handle conflict, and there's not healthy way to handle conflict. 

John: Yes, and we can fall into the trap so easy, especially if we allow our emotions to, to, um, govern the way we approach it.

Oh, that's setting us ourselves up for failure. Yeah. Take the emotion out of it. Which is so hard to do. Yeah, especially in this world. Everything is so emotionally charged, emotionally based, right? You kind of got to separate yourself from that, especially if you're running a business or have a family and you just want to maintain positive relationships.

You got to take yourself out of that. Uh, 

Kacie: Yeah, I just thought of something I'm going to start us off with that isn't even on our list. I love it. Yeah, you ready? Yeah. It just popped into my head. So we have tools. Which means you know it's going to be great. Tools plus a bonus. Tools plus a bonus. So the first thing I think that you need to do when you have a conflict is define the conflict.

Mmm. Define the problem. Yeah. Because you can't find a solution to a problem when you don't even know what the problem is. I 

John: like that and I think being specific, too. So I'll give an example of uh, My wife doesn't watch this podcast, 

Kacie: so I'm safe. I'm a caller and teller. I'm gonna send this one 

John: just to her.

Yeah, but you know, and this is probably the same with a lot of relationships, right? I don't know, maybe you and McLean are the same way, right? But um, there are times... And not all the time, but there are times, especially when we were, um, starting out in our relationship where if there was a problem, it would, we would talk about it in a general way and wouldn't be specific about what the specific issue is.

Um, and I think once we got to the point of being able to pin, to pinpoint a specific problem, be specific, you know, just be. Focused on that particular issue. We were able to resolve it better. Yeah, 

Kacie: because one thing there could be like a you know A rock in your shoe and your foot hurts and then it goes up to your leg and your knee hurts or you're walking funny and you could be talking about the fact that you're walking funny and arguing about that when you don't even talk about the shoe, the rock in your shoe.

Right. So trying to figure out, you know, back step, okay, we're feeling this way. So what's making us feel this way? Okay, it's this. Okay, so is there anything that's affecting this, that's giving in to this? But really figuring out exactly what the problem is, being able to, to define it, because then you can better come up with some solutions 

John: for it.

And I like that, that's, that's the number one. Because before you can do all the other tools, you have to really understand what the issue is at hand. Yeah. Like what the actual problem is at hand. Very good. 

Kacie: All right. What's, what's another tip? Stay calm. Stay calm. Ooh, that's hard. 

John: My glasses are fogging up.

I can see them. They are fogging up. Don't 

Kacie: mind me. Stay calm. It's 

John: okay. Stay. I'm staying calm. I think staying calm is so important because if you approach a situation all fired up, man, you're just gonna. Create the person that you're having the issue with to get fired up as well. And then no one's going to be, no one's going to look past this current energy, right, that's in the room and try to resolve a problem.

Then it's just going to end up being a you, you, you, you, you, you type of issue. 

Kacie: I've never, now that you say that, I've never ever seen... A conflict resolved when people come to it with anger. Never. If, there's a book that I read, I'm gonna have to, we might have to put it in the notes cause I don't remember what the book was.

I just remember that he said that if the, if you're really genuinely coming to a conversation to solve a conflict and the other person gets mad, then you lose. Because you cannot, when they're emotionally charged and they're angry, you cannot, Get across what you're trying to get across. They're not accepting what you have to say at a rational level.

So if the other person gets angry, then you lose. And 

John: you see that a lot in like social issues, right? You know, our, our country right now, so emotionally charged, everyone goes into a particular social problem with the energy level like here. And never doesn't take doesn't want to take the time to actually listen to each other to try to resolve a problem And that's amazing.

That's why we can't get past where we're at right now because we don't know how to stay calm Or we know how to stay calm We're just gonna decide we just don't want to do it and we're not controlling our energy level when we go into the situation Yeah, 

Kacie: and we're not what's the next one because I think this rolls into the next one.

Listen, listen to understand. Yeah yeah, I think sometimes when we go to resolve conflict we go in and we're like We're passionate about this one thing. We want to make sure we're, we're probably upset about something. Something's bothered us. Maybe we've defined it and we want to make sure that you understand exactly why I'm upset about this.

And so we go in and just blah, just all of it, right? Well, all over you. But sometimes you can get further in conflict and conversation, conflict, resolution and conversation when you ask questions and when you try to understand where the other person is coming from. 

John: Yeah. So listen to understand versus listen to respond.

Mm hmm. Right? Um, if you, if you're just sitting here with your mind made up on what you're going to do and you're, you're, how I feel about you is already made up and not allowing you to actually state your case. Then I'm not even paying attention to what you're saying at all. So there's no way I'm listening to understand.

I'm only, I'm just listening to, I'm waiting for you to finish so I can go ahead and start, you know, saying my, my side of the deal. You know, if we actually take the time to just block that off, listen to understand what you're saying, understand what your point is or where you're coming from. Then we can understand, hey, this is where we differ, then I guess, you know, we can, we can work to resolve it that 

Kacie: way.

One thing I've seen happen over and over and over with my business situations in my business to directly related to this is a lot of times when you go in a conflict resolution, you know, you go in upset about something, you make assumptions that the other person. Did it for this reason, or they did it this way.

And you just have it built in your head that that's why they did it or how they did it. But when you really sit down and ask questions versus coming in and saying, you did this and it was wrong because, but if you sit down instead and you stay calm and you ask questions, sometimes when they respond, it's like, Oh, I didn't know.

That's why you did that. And then you. So, um, you know, you resolve the confrontation without even having to get any more into detail. Yup.

John: That's, I love the, you just answered the next question. Ask the right questions. Because it, you know, all these kind of play into each other, right? So if you, number one, you stay calm.

Number two, you listen to understand. Number three, you ask the right questions. What, you know, you're setting up the atmosphere of, um, resolution. Now you're creating an atmosphere of resolution. So yeah, this is good stuff. 

Kacie: Yeah, and I think a lot of you guys probably already know this. I mean, we're told this over and over again.

That's a lot of what we talked about on our podcast and next week I want to read a testimonial that we got via email because it was really good. It made me cry. Yeah, it was good. I, I, what was I saying about that? Oh yeah, a lot of this you guys already know. And it's just a reminder, and these are things that, you know, we have to keep reminding ourself over and over and over again in order to finally have it sink in, so.

John: Yeah, you know, whether we know it is one thing, how we compose ourself is another. So, this should be looked at as a self accountability, right? That's why we, we have to, if we know, How to resolve a problem, but we choose not to follow those steps. Then we're not essentially wanting to get better. Right? Why would you not want to get better, especially if you're running a business?

Right? Because it's easier 

Kacie: to do it the other way. 

John: And then we're setting ourselves up for failure. Yeah. Right? And then we wonder why so many businesses are failing. Right? And it's, you know, aside from finance, aside from not marketing enough. Right. We don't know how to handle the problems that come through the business and we don't do it the right way.

Nope. 

Kacie: Wow. Yeah, that's good. Alright, what's the next one? 

John: Attack the problem, not the person. 

Kacie: This is a good one. This is something we see every day in politics these days, I think. It's, they don't even, you see these videos of people arguing about something and they don't even talk about what they're arguing about, they talk about each other.

Talk about each other. Yup. 

John: And it's just so, that's why nobody even cares anymore, honestly, to watch the news or all those. Commentaries because it's just it's draining. It is draining when you spend your time attacking each other It's so draining 

Kacie: and you're not actually solving the problem. 

John: No, it just then you're obviously it's gonna be a cycle The cycle continues right as you switch parties the cycle continues you switch leadership the cycle continues because everyone is just Pointing the finger at someone and not not the actual problem 

Kacie: at hand and what happens with your business If you have a customer or if you have an employee or if you have a contractor and you're trying to resolve an issue You can't just attack them and walk away and put your arms up of that relationship That does absolutely no good.

You still have to work with them a lot of times, even if, if you're an employee and you, you know, your boss has several of you guys and you can't, you don't have the power to fire another employee. You have to figure out how to talk to them without attacking their character cause that's not going to get you anywhere.

John: Yeah. I'm glad you brought that up because in some businesses, especially if you have employees, you can have an employee that's having performance issues. Right. Based on your expectation for running the business and growing the business, this employee may not be, may not be living up to the standard.

Right? But if we approach that employee saying, you suck , right? , maybe there was an opportunity for that employee to actually, you know, So understand what it needs to be done and how to do it the right way versus them now becoming defensive and saying, no, you suck. And then I quit. 

Kacie: Opportunity. You totally missed out on an opportunity to grow.

John: Totally missed out on an opportunity. Yeah. Not saying that, you know, you shouldn't fire when you have to, right. But if you approach your employees the right way, then there's an opportunity to, um, what's the word when you're bringing your employees, you're training them, you're building them. Synergy. Yeah.

Instead of creating synergy, right? Yeah. Then you're spending money having to replace people all the time. Yeah. I think a lot of businesses struggle with that. Mm hmm. Yeah. Mm hmm. I know, I, I, I struggle with that sometimes. Yeah, it is hard. 

Kacie: Uh, you ready for the next one? I'm ready. I gotta take a sip of my coffee, 

John: my throat is dry.

I had to do that too. I need that caffeine. Mm hmm. Accentuate the positive. Mm. 

Kacie: This is another hard one, especially when you're upset about something. 

John: Yeah, if you're too busy pointing fingers at everybody, how are you going to accentuate a positive anyway? Yeah. You know, it's uh, if you're too busy, um, focusing on the actual individual versus the problem, then there's no positivity to accentuate at 

Kacie: all.

That's when they say to do the sandwich. You come in with something positive, and then you talk about something, the conflict, and then you end with something positive, the sandwich. Because there is positives, I feel like in almost every situation, you can find something positive from it. 

John: Right. I agree.

Yeah, that sandwich method, I remember that when I was in, uh... In the corporate world. They use that a lot. Mm hmm that analogy a lot or whatever the acronym a lot But it's true. If like if you accept if you keep the conversation as positive as possible while Working on the problem at hand. Mm hmm, then you kind of get more buy in from the person that you're 

Kacie: Yeah.

And I think that sometimes when we, especially if you've let the problem go on longer than it should, it's like that one person that irritates you. And I'm just going to be transparent because I know you guys can relate to this and it's not just me, but there's, there's that one person that irritates you.

They did something that really just got under your skin. And then every time you're in a place with that person, it's like everything they do, you're like, why'd they do that or what they do this, blah, blah, blah. And you get to, even though maybe that person has some really great, great qualities, you get to where your mind only sees the things that irritate you about that person.

And I think that happens with conflict too, is instead of, you know, especially if it's over and over and over again, instead of. Turning your mind to also see the, the positives in that, that situation. You're just like finding that one thing that irritates you or just purposely. Cause you almost want to make yourself right.

So like this person is a bad person. And so you just find all these bad things about them so that you can be right about how you feel. Oh 

John: yeah. Oh, that's so true. It builds resentment and bitterness. Mm hmm. Those are... Bad. Bad. 

Kacie: Very bad. Very bad. 

John: And you know what, going back to the sandwich thing, um, another thing that I got from Corporate America is self discovery, right?

So if you're dealing with your employees, right, and you approach the situation positive and you use the sandwich method, right, positive, problem, positive. You allow that person to say, to kind of say, Oh yeah, you know what? I did make, I, I, I, there is a better way to do this or there is a better way to approach this problem.

So essentially they're discovering within themselves that they have the, they can do better, right? Or they can resolve that problem in a, in a better, in a better way. So this builds self discovery because they're 

Kacie: not feeling attacked. They're feeling like you're genuinely there to help. Yeah. 

John: Remember that.

Ready? Yep. Ready. Solution 

Kacie: focused. Solution focused. We kind of touched on that one a little bit already. That is, if you don't, if you can't define the problem like we talked about at the very beginning, then you're not going to be able to find a solution. And any, all the conversation needs to be geared towards not attacking the person, not random other things that you're upset about, but figuring out a solution to this conflict.

Yep. So 

John: we'll just move on. Yeah. Pick your battles. 

Kacie: Ooooooo. All you husbands and wives out there. 

John: So, what does that mean? Pick your 

Kacie: battles. Not to complain about the pile of socks on the side of the bed. Right. 

John: Not to be a nag. Right? If you don't pick your battles and you complain about everything, you're essentially a 

Kacie: nag.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. And that can go back to also the, you know, focusing on the positive. If you're focusing on the negative of every situation and you're vocalizing that, then it's just not, nobody's going to want to listen to somebody that complains about everything. 

John: Yeah, isn't there, like, in the Bible, doesn't the Bible talk about a nagging spouse?

Yes, it does. What is it, better to be, uh, on the corner, Crouching in a corner on the roof somewhere than dealing with a nagging spouse or wife or husband 

Kacie: or whatever it is? Yeah, I think it's a wife. I think it talks about a nagging wife. Yeah, but it 

John: works both ways. Like, let's say spouse. Right? Partner, whatever you want to say.

Employee, boss. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yup. Yeah. So, nagging is not good. Nagging just, um, you know, accentuates the issue so much more. Right? So, being focused on the problem, picking your, like, picking the actual issue is going to help you get to the other side of things. And relieve all that nagging. Because when you fix the main problem.

Then all that other stuff doesn't matter as much. No. 

Kacie: Gas station coffee is so good. It is. 

John: Just kidding. It's hitting the spot today. 

Kacie: Yes, I agree. 100%. All right, so 

John: don't be a nag. Don't be a nag. No nagging. Celebrate agreement. 

Kacie: Celebrate agreement. Yeah, because even the little things, if there's one little tiny part that you can agree on, start there.

Yeah. Yep. Even if it's not a 

John: big. So I like that when it gets, when the self discovery happens, that's time for celebration. Mm hmm. Right? When the, the person that you're, you're working the problem through with the, you know, light bulb comes on, then it's like, yeah, boom, we got it. Yeah. And then you're, you're able to steer and roll the boat in the same direction instead of fighting each other.

Mm hmm. 

Kacie: It's almost like when you're trying to build a house of cards and you have those four cards that you're trying to like the base of the cards that you're trying to get up and then one falls and then, you know, you get three up and then one falls and then finally you get that foundation and you get.

A place, a starting place to build your tower. It's like that is where you celebrate. Yep. Yeah. Love it. You don't get upset that the whole tower is not built yet. You get excited that you got the base done. Yeah. Pretty 

John: cool. Yeah. I love your analogy sometimes. I know. You come up with some good stuff. So smart.

Some mic drops. So that's good. So that's our, that's our list. So if any of these resonated with you, we know they did, because they resonate with us, because we're 

Kacie: all humans. And conflict is an everyday 

John: life. Yeah, it's an everyday life. Remember, the first thing is holding yourself accountable. Start with that, hold yourself accountable, and then you're able to hmm.

Should we list out these things again? Yeah, let's do it real quick. Okay. What 

Kacie: was the first one? Defining the problem. 

John: Defining the problem. So the number one thing is define the problem. Then we stay calm, listen to understand, ask the right questions, attack the problem, not the person, accentuate the positive, solution focused, pick your battles and celebrate agreement.

That's all good stuff. Write that stuff down and remind yourself of the steps to take before you go into a problem. 

Kacie: Yeah, we want to hear from you guys. What is another way that you deal with conflict that is a healthy, don't say bad things. Yeah, yeah. That's a healthy way, um, to, to deal with conflict.

Cause I'm sure there's people out there, there's people out there that are really great at this. Yeah. They just 

John: rock it. You know what I'd like to hear though? What are some... Conflicts that weren't resolved the right way. And how did that end up for you? Yeah. 

Kacie: Tell us. Don't name names. I want to hear that too.

Tell us about that too. 

John: Yeah. I can tell some stories. 

Kacie: Maybe next time. Do a whole issue episode. All right. Cool. Yeah. Thank you guys so much for joining us. As always. I know it sounds like such a small little thing, but commenting on our, on our posts and our videos. Liking it, sharing it with a friend, giving us a five star review anywhere that you're listening to this podcast makes such a big difference.

We're not putting money into advertising it right now. We're just kind of, it's a free thing that we're, that we're, that we're doing and we're trying to just. Slowly grow the audience and y'all were getting some really cool testimonials. Next week we'll read a testimonial that we've gotten from somebody that started listening to the podcast.

And so just doing those things is just an amazing way to help us out. We really 

John: appreciate it. I love that. And you know, my, my thing is that we can just touch one person. Then when we're doing the right thing. Yeah. So I love it. All right. See y'all next

time.